Robotech Live Action Film

Okay, if you didn't know by now, I'll fill you in: "They" are making a live action Robotech movie. Freaking awesome, I know. It's rumored that Toby McGuire wants to play the lead role of Rick Hunter, which I might be able to see providing he can grow anime hair. That being said, whoever "they" turn out to be, "they" need to consider Philip Winchester for the role of Roy Fokker aka Big Brother. He would be the perfect actor to portray the ultimate inspiration for Rick Hunter. We'll see what happens with this project. I, like so many other protoculture addicts, hope they get this right.

18 A Day

18 People visit this blog each day. That's significant to me. I want to thank all 18 of you for your visit on last Thursday. I hope you enjoyed your stay and will come again often. I have noticed some recent activity on the Twilight front of my blog. You see, a while ago I made a post about who was going to be cast as Edward Cullen in the then upcoming Twilight flick. I claimed that Bright Eyes had been cast to play the immortal child (Eddie's only 17 people). Apparently some of you took me seriously. You probably take the books seriously too. That's okay, but now you know I was kidding. Emo screamo. I was kidding.

Congress Sucks

Okay people who are supposed to represent me. People who are believed to have the intelligence required to work together and create laws that benefit our country. Okay guys. I think we get it. You suck, you always have and now we see behind your curtain. Okay. All those times when you guys were running for office and would never answer any of our questions directly, we just thought you were so smart and clever enough to make it in cut throat old D.C. to represent us. Okay, we were stupid. We admit it. Okay. You guys have finally shown us what's up. You set up one of the longest cons in history and now it's over. It was a good con but now it's over and we're done with you. Now you guys see that we're done with you and you're trying to blame your way out of our displeasure. Everybody's innocent. Okay, we get it. You are incapable of running our government. Well please accept the coming shipment of empty card board copy paper boxes as our parting gift to all of you. We hope we sent enough to accommodate each of your offices. Your replacements will be meeting with you shortly. Thanks for providing Anderson Cooper something else to act outraged about.

Advice Column

Due to multiple requests from friends and strangers, I'm starting an advice column. If you want your letter featured in a blog entry along with the response, send your question to:

jakesadvice@live.com

I will accept any and all submissions. If you submit a question with your real name I will change it when posting your submission publicly.

People Who Annoy Me

Attachment Parenting Advocates and their militant constituents of sleepless parents and rotten kids.

Environmentalists who think they're better than everyone because they drive Hybrids: I've got news for you wannabes, I drive a bicycle! Beat that posers.

Attachment Parenting advocates who bag on Parent Directed Feeding advocates to make themselves feel better about their lousy situation.

New parents who think they know it all

Newlyweds who think they know it all

Returned LDS Missionaries who think they know it all

The director of the upcoming "A-Team Movie." Yeah, he annoys the crap out of me right now.

The writers for the upcoming "G.I. Joe Movie," it's "Real AMERICAN Hero," you stupid idiots.

People who think Elfin and Klingon should be legitimate languages. FAIL.

People who spend all their time arguing on the Internet with others. You see arguing on the Internet is like winning the Special Olympics: Sure you won, but in the end you're still retarded. Who cares?

Neighbors who sexually harass my wife and now live in hiding...

Off campus student housing landlords who run their properties like Auschwitz.

Summer sales company representatives who drive Lamborghini's but don't really own them.

Any summer sales company representative actually.

People who call the police just to report Honor Code violations.

People who call the police just to argue with the police.

Pimps who drive Toyota Corollas

Anyone wearing skinny jeans. Posers.

Punks who don't know who the Sex Pistols are.

Corporate Emo bands. You know who you are.

People who read this blog, don't comment on it, re-post my own stuff on their blogs and then get all the credit for my original ideas and thoughts. Yeah you guys suck rocks.

That's about it for now.

As Lemonade Stand Season Begins...

Spring is at last upon us. The long dreary winter of Utah has finally left us after one last punch to our collective face. So with the advent of spring, comes thoughts of little kids opening up lemonade stands, at least for little kids anyway. And in honor of my friend Eric finding my blog I wish to share a cautionary tale with you regarding lemonade stands. Remember that as you travel not all lemonade stands are created equal and some should just flat out be reported to the better business bureau.

Eric and I were door to door salesmen once a long time ago. We were driving through this neighborhood somewhere in Kansas or Missouri and we were tired and thirsty. It had been a long day with little success, when we came upon a friendly lemonade stand, manned by two little kids equipped with a pitcher of lemonade, a stack of paper cups, and a poster. We pulled up to the stand and were warmly greeted.

"Would you like to buy some lemonade?" one of the friendly children asked us.

Upon seeing how small the cups were I decided that I wasn't really interested in a cup of lemonade. These cups were small. Well my friend Eric was feeling charitable that day and said,

"Sure, I'll have some lemonade."

The two children smiled as they awkwardly poured him a small paper cup full of their home made lemonade. Eric thanked them as he went to drink the lemonade. Almost immediately the lemonade started to shoot out of his nose. He struggled to swallow the vile beverage down and then looked at the children in horror.

"How much do I owe you?" he asked in disgust.

"One dollar," they cheerfully exclaimed.

"One dollar?" Eric asked incredulously. "That's highway robbery!"

Technically we were on more of a small road than a highway but the sentiment was correct.

"Who made this stuff?" he demanded.

"We did!" came the reply. "One dollar!" the children pressed.

Eric and I could tell that this could get ugly real quick if he didn't pay up, so he reluctantly paid the two swindlers and we drove off. I asked him what happened and he told me that he had just drank the nastiest "lemonade" ever created and then got robbed for it.

Another end to another "perfect" day out on the road.

I tell you this story to warn you. As the weather warms and our economy moves more toward a recession, amid home foreclosures and the ensuing credit crunch, beware of shady lemonade stands who shamelessly practice price gouging and misleading marketing strategies (like calling their product "lemonade"). Only patronize well known established lemonade stands that you can trust.

Black River Contractors

My new professional rates as a contractor are as follows:

I charge $13.00 per hour. This must be paid in advance and can be paid in the form of cash, paypal, or equipment equal in value.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Things I Wish I Would Have Said

Have you ever gotten into an argument, whether friendly or otherwise, and your thoughts just couldn't come quick enough to make your point? Sure we all have, that's part of life. Don't you just hate it when, an hour later, you have that epiphany that hits you and you know just what you would have said? Well here's a collection of things I wish I would have said at the time:

No I don't need therapy. Stop projecting your relationship problems onto me.

Actually I have a degree in clinical psychology and you're wrong about that theory. It's the other way around.

Actually I used to do that for a living and you have no idea what you're talking about.

You're the boss you can do whatever you want. Don't use your slippery slope logic on me!

So one minute you have the budget to do this but the next minute you don't?

No, that's a bad deal and you know that.

Yes, you're a bad parent, but you can still change.

Yes, you're children are crazy.

No, that's not normal behavior.

Actually that's called permissive parenting and that parenting style is responsible for most of the world's current and past problems.

You have to bribe your infant with candy otherwise she won't "let" you change her? Yeah, that is nuts.

Your child is not special. He's spoiled.

I know you are but what am I?

If I were your kid I'd spank myself.

Yes, you can be a democrat and still be a faithful church going person, look at President Faust.

Ron Paul sure can put up a poster.

No you're a communist!

I'm a 911 fire, ems, and police dispatcher. I think it's safe to say that I can multi-task.

No I don't feel guilty about that.

It's called split ear technique.

No I'm not worried about you.

Yes, I do support global warming.

Al Gore contributes more to climate change than any one man via his exclusive use of a personal jet and SUV's whenever he travels, and he travels often my friend.

No I'm not interested in going to Africa.

So what?

You leave a wake of destruction where ever you go.

You're child is possessed by the devil.

My son may not be able to talk, but at least he's not addicted to candy and self destruction.

You're the parent for crying out loud, show a little backbone!

No, don't beat your kids! But don't raise terrorists either.

I am the most patient man in the world. I will wait you out.

Those are just a few. There's no need to understand the context these would have been said in, but then again, this post was more for me than it was for you, unless you recognize anything. If that's the case then:

SO THERE!

McDonald's Did This To Me

Up until a few years ago I ate at McDonald's regularly. I grew up going to McDonald's. I loved their food. I remember most of the happy meal toys I got as a kid and I even remember when their food came packaged in Styrofoam containers. Micky D's and I have a long history together. That being said, a few years ago I decided to try to eat healthier so I stopped eating over at Ireland's hamburger stand (historical reference). Well recently I've started eating their again, now that I have children. Two days ago we went there for dinner. I ordered a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese extra value meal (1/2 pound of meat before cooking) with a lemonade. Immediately upon finishing the meal the back of my tongue and the roof of my mouth went numb. 3.5 minutes later I experienced explosive diarrhea the likes which have never before been seen in my lifetime. I staggered my way into the bathroom and held on for dear life. I managed to stay on the seat for 8 seconds so that should count for something, but by the end of it I was seriously considering installing grab handles on the side of the toilet bowl. After it was over I felt like I weighed 500 pounds and could only move in slow motion. I lost all feeling in my mouth and felt sharp stabbing pains in my stomach and digestive area. This lasted two days. Every time I see that clown I want to kill something.

Ronald McDonald, you're days are numbered.

I have finally determined that I can no longer eat at McDonald's and stay alive. I must therefore abstain from all of their products.

Goodbye McDonald's. It's been real and it's been fun, but it ain't been real fun.

No More Fence Sitting

After several months of pondering the question of which Democratic presidential candidate to back, anotherblogaboutme.blogspot.com has decided to officially endorse:

Barack Obama.

It was a hard choice. Every minute seemed to cause the staff here to teeter one way or another. Senator Clinton is still cherished in our hearts as a beloved leader and champion of stuff, but we just can't get that catchy slogan out of heads! Yes we can! Really we can't, that was just us telling you the slogan in case you hadn't heard it. It's still there. We here at the blog support Senator Obama's position and strategy to cut out of the middle east. We support this decision because of the war between Venezuela and Columbia. This conflict is going to spiral out of control leaving Venezuela's oil stores open for the seizing. Since Venezuela is the closest OPEC nation to us geographically, it's only logical that we stop fighting in the middle east and head south of the border to Venezuela. In one fell swoop we could finally absorb all of Venezuela's oil supplies and corner the South American cocaine market too!

Admittedly we endorse this candidate at the expense of our pro climate change agenda, but we don't really believe any politician can do too much to alter the course we're already on in that front.

So it is with pleasure that we endorse Senator Obama for president and say, "Barack the vote!"

Internship Available

www.anotherblogaboutme.blogspot.com is offering its first internship. Applicants must be current students, attending a 4 year college or University, and enrolled in a degree seeking program. Must have excellent time management skills, know basic computer applications, and be willing to tackle whatever life throws at them. This will be a challenging and rewarding program which will give the successful applicant an experience that he or she will never forget.

Applications for this position must be made in Haiku format.

Thank you,

The management

This Blog Is Content Rich!

Watch out world. This blog is content rich. It's so rich in content it buys other blogs, fires all the employees and then sells off pieces of those blogs to entities in Japan. My blog is so rich you have to drink a glass of milk after you read it. This blog flosses with platinum threads and rolls on solid gold spinners. This blog's portfolio is so diverse it looks like the cover of a "You Too Can Live Forever in Paradise" tract. This blog is so rich it blows up 56K connections. It's so rich you have to have an appointment just to see it. It's so rich it bought Texas and then sold it back to Mexico for twice what it paid for it. This blog is so rich that it hired Donald Trump just so it could fire him. It's so rich it has its own ice show. This blog is so rich it bought Jupiter. Jupiter baby! That's the biggest planet. Now you know people. Now you know.

The Terminator Says Hi

Hyrum received a love letter from some guy in his ward named the Terminator. I told him that I sympathize but I don't empathize.

Marriott Center To Be Demolished

The Marriott Center at BYU is going to be demolished in preparation for the construction of a larger venue. The new venue is rumored to house the basketball court as well as have the ability to accommodate a hockey rink. This is great news for BYU's newly incorporated Ice Cats. BYU expects larger attendance and increased revenue as a result of this important change. I think this is awesome news, especially for the future of hockey in the Utah valley.

rtf.

I'm starting a band. It's been several years since I've been in a band that included other people than just myself. The band is comprised of me and a drummer and possibly a bassist. I don't exactly want to give up their identities, so let's call them Eric and Bradlie. We don't want to get too popular too fast so we need to keep some semblance of privacy. The name of our Band is: Report To Follow (rtf. for short). I had a creative meeting with the drummer today. It went pretty well. We will be posting completed songs on this blog for all of you to download. Also we will have an open taping policy at our shows. This means that you can record our live shows if the venue will allow you to. Right now we are writing new material for our first album which will be distributed by Fire Fight Records. I'm really excited for this new project and hope we live up to many of your expectations. Viva la rock.

Fetus Purse

I found this on the Internet. Yes, it's a fetus purse. Who wants to rob a fetus purse? Nobody.

Raw Foodists Kill

Ever heard of raw foodists? They eat everything raw. They don't cook it. This includes beef, chicken and pork. In the case of livestock they usually strike at night. So all you rural folks out there reading this on your 56K connections, beware of the raw foodists. When they decide to eat meat, you can be sure they'll be coming for you and your livestock. This gives new meaning to the term "squeal like a pig," doesn't it?

Something has to be done. For years the Mexicans have blamed the ongoing rash of livestock deaths in the south west and northern Mexico on a mythical creature, the chupecabra, unwilling to confront the awful truth; that they are being plagued by raw foodists in the throws of meat lust.

So what can you do to protect yourself from the unwanted trespasses of a meat starved raw foodist? Protect your live stalk with increased security. Build those fences a little taller. Actually lock that gate. Remember a meat starved raw foodist is not like a supernatural vampire. This fact is often overlooked. Raw foodists in the throws of meat lust cannot hurt you! They're actually weaker due to the lack of nutrients in their body and have no special supernatural powers. Raw foodists cannot fly or turn into animals or trees. A starving raw foodist won't be able to scale your fence to get into the pig pen if you make it just a couple of feet taller. They will most likely just pass out halfway up the fence from over exertion and fall asleep on the ground where they fall. This will give you the necessary time to contact the local authorities.

Another precaution you can take is to install cctv cameras in your chicken coops. This will allow you to monitor your chickens and eggs 24 hours a day. There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning and finding a raw foodist passed out in the coop with baby chick guts all over her face. Take turns with your loved ones monitoring the cameras and walking the property at night.

Remember, preventing live stalk mutilation and murder starts with you. Keep the raw foodists at bay through vigilance. Don't be like my neighbor who lost ten head of cow to a pack of raw foodists who were jonesing for some beef. If only my neighbor had stood guard in his tree stand that night.

Beat It

I just watched Michael Jackson's Beat It video and a random thought came to me. What if you went to your gang initiation beat down dressed like one of the thugs from Beat it?

"I went to my gang initiation wearing 80's clothes with a head band made of rope. It didn't go well."

Water World

Recent talk about global warming has brought to my memory the film "Water World." In the opening scene of the movie it shows a computer model of the world with an animation, showing both polar ice caps melting. This melting causes the world to be flooded.

As a result people grow gills, can breath under water, and ride totally sweet jet skis. I rest my case, global warming is awesome. Even Hollywood agrees, global warming isn't going to kill us. It's going to force us to evolve. And if that evolution means, growing gills, breathing underwater, and riding totally sweet jet skis, then count me in! Sure there will be some growing pains. Fear of swimming and sharks is one of the largest phobias known to man. But global warming and the subsequent inevitable flooding of the earth will only serve to help people overcome their fears of swimming and sharks.

Another benefit to global flooding? Every week becomes Shark Week on Discovery Channel! It can't get much better than that! I bet that man, being the dominant creature it is, will quickly get to work domesticating sharks for use as the man's new "best friend."

So let's review kids: Global warming is good. Why is it good? Because it will force the inevitable flooding of the earth, forcing the human race to evolve into an incredible race of gill wearing, under water breathing, totally sweet jet ski riding people who have pet sharks. Why are we debating this? It's happening and I couldn't be happier!

Having It All Will Make You Chaotic Evil

So I've been recently playing this computer game. I'm not really what you'd call a hard core gamer. I don't play for hours and hours on end and when I do play, it's usually some type of military first person shooter game like Call of Duty, Halo, or Battlefield 2. Well I got tired of the mindless shooting games and have recently opted for a new genre: The RPG. For those of you who don't know, in the gaming world, RPG means role playing game (not rocket propelled grenade). I thought this genre might provide me a more fulfilling gaming experience. RPG's force you to create a character and develop that character throughout the course of the game. RPG's are usually quite long as well so many players become invested in their character. Because I don't play computer games every day I thought that starting an RPG would be fun as it would take me a much longer time to finish it than the average shoot 'em up game. So the game I chose is called Neverwinter Nights by bioware. I chose this game based on a review I read on www.gamespot.com They apparently liked this game very much and recommended it to everyone, including people who don't usually play RPG's. So I thought this would be a great choice for someone like me.

I picked up the "diamond edition," which contains the root game itself and all the expansion packs and modules. I wanted the complete experience and I wanted it to last me a long time (since I don't play as often as most gamers do I figured this was my best bet). I really like the game, it's a lot of fun. The game is set in some alternate mid evil Tolkenian time and you play a hero who is out to find the cure to a plague.

My character was a good guy. He was honest and kind, a real hero's hero. The game forces you to choose the type of moral alignment your character has and mine was classified as "Chaotic Good." This means that your character is a good person who is willing to break some rules for the greater good (you know, like Robin Hood). So the only problem is that this game can get kind of hard. It's hard living life on the road, always wondering where your next meal is going to come from; never knowing if an ogre is around the corner waiting to gore you alive. It's hard scavenging for gold pieces in crates, chests, bags of garbage, corpses, barrels, and abandoned houses. I mean how is a guy supposed to make a decent enough living to even be able to afford a decent hench man? Times are tough and the plague is hurting everyone so I did what anyone would do in my situation. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of being a level 3 fighter. I was tired of only having 95 gold to my name and a ridiculous excuse for a Non Playing Character Henchman. So I did it and nothing you can say can make me feel guilty about it.

I found some cheat codes. Okay, there, I said it. I leveled up my character and became a Chazillionaire. I thought it would be a good thing. I thought I could help people. Honestly, I had no idea it would come to what it has. I thought with all the money in the world and all the charisma one man could possibly handle, I could save more lives. But that's not the case. With all the power and all the money in the world I no longer had a need for other people. I started killing innocent NPC's. I robbed everyone every chance I got. I became Chaotic evil. Now, whenever I come in contact with an NPC, the game doesn't even give me the option to be nice to them and offer to help them. I only choose from a cornucopia of dastardly deeds and insults. I am feared and hated all over the world of Neverwinter. I don't know how this happened. I was such a good guy. It just goes to show that having it all will inevitably change you for the worse.

I feel much better having said this. But I have to go. I have a tavern full of people to destroy.

I Registered To Vote Today...

I registered to vote today. I was really bummed that Biden is out of the running for the Democratic nomination so I registered as a Republican. I wish I could have voted in both primaries but oh well. It looks like it's anybody's ball game right now and it will be interesting to see how the "redest state in America" decides to vote in the primaries. How will the democrats in the bee hive state vote? I imagine all the women who have secretly been waging internet campaigns against the LDS relief society general president's last "controversial" talk will probably swing towards Senator Clinton. I am going to go out on a limb and predict that the Republicans in this state are going to vote for Broth.. er... Mr. Romney.

My only question amidst all this hooplah is: Where is Cody Judy?

Does anyone remember Cody Judy? I was sure he'd be running for president this go around. He's run for public office in Utah since getting out of prison, so it was natural for me to wonder when he'd pop up in this campaign season. Oh well, he's always been good for entertainment but I guess he won't be making any appearances.

So who will I be voting for? Well ever since the media started covering the elections the same way ESPN covers sports, I've been more focused on stats and figures as well as good looks and game. So who's got the most game right now? Who knows, but one thing is for sure, I'd rather have Dick Vitel covering this election year than anyone else.