Raw Foodists Kill

Ever heard of raw foodists? They eat everything raw. They don't cook it. This includes beef, chicken and pork. In the case of livestock they usually strike at night. So all you rural folks out there reading this on your 56K connections, beware of the raw foodists. When they decide to eat meat, you can be sure they'll be coming for you and your livestock. This gives new meaning to the term "squeal like a pig," doesn't it?

Something has to be done. For years the Mexicans have blamed the ongoing rash of livestock deaths in the south west and northern Mexico on a mythical creature, the chupecabra, unwilling to confront the awful truth; that they are being plagued by raw foodists in the throws of meat lust.

So what can you do to protect yourself from the unwanted trespasses of a meat starved raw foodist? Protect your live stalk with increased security. Build those fences a little taller. Actually lock that gate. Remember a meat starved raw foodist is not like a supernatural vampire. This fact is often overlooked. Raw foodists in the throws of meat lust cannot hurt you! They're actually weaker due to the lack of nutrients in their body and have no special supernatural powers. Raw foodists cannot fly or turn into animals or trees. A starving raw foodist won't be able to scale your fence to get into the pig pen if you make it just a couple of feet taller. They will most likely just pass out halfway up the fence from over exertion and fall asleep on the ground where they fall. This will give you the necessary time to contact the local authorities.

Another precaution you can take is to install cctv cameras in your chicken coops. This will allow you to monitor your chickens and eggs 24 hours a day. There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning and finding a raw foodist passed out in the coop with baby chick guts all over her face. Take turns with your loved ones monitoring the cameras and walking the property at night.

Remember, preventing live stalk mutilation and murder starts with you. Keep the raw foodists at bay through vigilance. Don't be like my neighbor who lost ten head of cow to a pack of raw foodists who were jonesing for some beef. If only my neighbor had stood guard in his tree stand that night.