Attachment Parenting Advocates and their militant constituents of sleepless parents and rotten kids.
Environmentalists who think they're better than everyone because they drive Hybrids: I've got news for you wannabes, I drive a bicycle! Beat that posers.
Attachment Parenting advocates who bag on Parent Directed Feeding advocates to make themselves feel better about their lousy situation.
New parents who think they know it all
Newlyweds who think they know it all
Returned LDS Missionaries who think they know it all
The director of the upcoming "A-Team Movie." Yeah, he annoys the crap out of me right now.
The writers for the upcoming "G.I. Joe Movie," it's "Real AMERICAN Hero," you stupid idiots.
People who think Elfin and Klingon should be legitimate languages. FAIL.
People who spend all their time arguing on the Internet with others. You see arguing on the Internet is like winning the Special Olympics: Sure you won, but in the end you're still retarded. Who cares?
Neighbors who sexually harass my wife and now live in hiding...
Off campus student housing landlords who run their properties like Auschwitz.
Summer sales company representatives who drive Lamborghini's but don't really own them.
Any summer sales company representative actually.
People who call the police just to report Honor Code violations.
People who call the police just to argue with the police.
Pimps who drive Toyota Corollas
Anyone wearing skinny jeans. Posers.
Punks who don't know who the Sex Pistols are.
Corporate Emo bands. You know who you are.
People who read this blog, don't comment on it, re-post my own stuff on their blogs and then get all the credit for my original ideas and thoughts. Yeah you guys suck rocks.
That's about it for now.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
As Lemonade Stand Season Begins...
Spring is at last upon us. The long dreary winter of Utah has finally left us after one last punch to our collective face. So with the advent of spring, comes thoughts of little kids opening up lemonade stands, at least for little kids anyway. And in honor of my friend Eric finding my blog I wish to share a cautionary tale with you regarding lemonade stands. Remember that as you travel not all lemonade stands are created equal and some should just flat out be reported to the better business bureau.
Eric and I were door to door salesmen once a long time ago. We were driving through this neighborhood somewhere in Kansas or Missouri and we were tired and thirsty. It had been a long day with little success, when we came upon a friendly lemonade stand, manned by two little kids equipped with a pitcher of lemonade, a stack of paper cups, and a poster. We pulled up to the stand and were warmly greeted.
"Would you like to buy some lemonade?" one of the friendly children asked us.
Upon seeing how small the cups were I decided that I wasn't really interested in a cup of lemonade. These cups were small. Well my friend Eric was feeling charitable that day and said,
"Sure, I'll have some lemonade."
The two children smiled as they awkwardly poured him a small paper cup full of their home made lemonade. Eric thanked them as he went to drink the lemonade. Almost immediately the lemonade started to shoot out of his nose. He struggled to swallow the vile beverage down and then looked at the children in horror.
"How much do I owe you?" he asked in disgust.
"One dollar," they cheerfully exclaimed.
"One dollar?" Eric asked incredulously. "That's highway robbery!"
Technically we were on more of a small road than a highway but the sentiment was correct.
"Who made this stuff?" he demanded.
"We did!" came the reply. "One dollar!" the children pressed.
Eric and I could tell that this could get ugly real quick if he didn't pay up, so he reluctantly paid the two swindlers and we drove off. I asked him what happened and he told me that he had just drank the nastiest "lemonade" ever created and then got robbed for it.
Another end to another "perfect" day out on the road.
I tell you this story to warn you. As the weather warms and our economy moves more toward a recession, amid home foreclosures and the ensuing credit crunch, beware of shady lemonade stands who shamelessly practice price gouging and misleading marketing strategies (like calling their product "lemonade"). Only patronize well known established lemonade stands that you can trust.
Eric and I were door to door salesmen once a long time ago. We were driving through this neighborhood somewhere in Kansas or Missouri and we were tired and thirsty. It had been a long day with little success, when we came upon a friendly lemonade stand, manned by two little kids equipped with a pitcher of lemonade, a stack of paper cups, and a poster. We pulled up to the stand and were warmly greeted.
"Would you like to buy some lemonade?" one of the friendly children asked us.
Upon seeing how small the cups were I decided that I wasn't really interested in a cup of lemonade. These cups were small. Well my friend Eric was feeling charitable that day and said,
"Sure, I'll have some lemonade."
The two children smiled as they awkwardly poured him a small paper cup full of their home made lemonade. Eric thanked them as he went to drink the lemonade. Almost immediately the lemonade started to shoot out of his nose. He struggled to swallow the vile beverage down and then looked at the children in horror.
"How much do I owe you?" he asked in disgust.
"One dollar," they cheerfully exclaimed.
"One dollar?" Eric asked incredulously. "That's highway robbery!"
Technically we were on more of a small road than a highway but the sentiment was correct.
"Who made this stuff?" he demanded.
"We did!" came the reply. "One dollar!" the children pressed.
Eric and I could tell that this could get ugly real quick if he didn't pay up, so he reluctantly paid the two swindlers and we drove off. I asked him what happened and he told me that he had just drank the nastiest "lemonade" ever created and then got robbed for it.
Another end to another "perfect" day out on the road.
I tell you this story to warn you. As the weather warms and our economy moves more toward a recession, amid home foreclosures and the ensuing credit crunch, beware of shady lemonade stands who shamelessly practice price gouging and misleading marketing strategies (like calling their product "lemonade"). Only patronize well known established lemonade stands that you can trust.
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