Black River Contractors

My new professional rates as a contractor are as follows:

I charge $13.00 per hour. This must be paid in advance and can be paid in the form of cash, paypal, or equipment equal in value.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Things I Wish I Would Have Said

Have you ever gotten into an argument, whether friendly or otherwise, and your thoughts just couldn't come quick enough to make your point? Sure we all have, that's part of life. Don't you just hate it when, an hour later, you have that epiphany that hits you and you know just what you would have said? Well here's a collection of things I wish I would have said at the time:

No I don't need therapy. Stop projecting your relationship problems onto me.

Actually I have a degree in clinical psychology and you're wrong about that theory. It's the other way around.

Actually I used to do that for a living and you have no idea what you're talking about.

You're the boss you can do whatever you want. Don't use your slippery slope logic on me!

So one minute you have the budget to do this but the next minute you don't?

No, that's a bad deal and you know that.

Yes, you're a bad parent, but you can still change.

Yes, you're children are crazy.

No, that's not normal behavior.

Actually that's called permissive parenting and that parenting style is responsible for most of the world's current and past problems.

You have to bribe your infant with candy otherwise she won't "let" you change her? Yeah, that is nuts.

Your child is not special. He's spoiled.

I know you are but what am I?

If I were your kid I'd spank myself.

Yes, you can be a democrat and still be a faithful church going person, look at President Faust.

Ron Paul sure can put up a poster.

No you're a communist!

I'm a 911 fire, ems, and police dispatcher. I think it's safe to say that I can multi-task.

No I don't feel guilty about that.

It's called split ear technique.

No I'm not worried about you.

Yes, I do support global warming.

Al Gore contributes more to climate change than any one man via his exclusive use of a personal jet and SUV's whenever he travels, and he travels often my friend.

No I'm not interested in going to Africa.

So what?

You leave a wake of destruction where ever you go.

You're child is possessed by the devil.

My son may not be able to talk, but at least he's not addicted to candy and self destruction.

You're the parent for crying out loud, show a little backbone!

No, don't beat your kids! But don't raise terrorists either.

I am the most patient man in the world. I will wait you out.

Those are just a few. There's no need to understand the context these would have been said in, but then again, this post was more for me than it was for you, unless you recognize anything. If that's the case then:

SO THERE!

McDonald's Did This To Me

Up until a few years ago I ate at McDonald's regularly. I grew up going to McDonald's. I loved their food. I remember most of the happy meal toys I got as a kid and I even remember when their food came packaged in Styrofoam containers. Micky D's and I have a long history together. That being said, a few years ago I decided to try to eat healthier so I stopped eating over at Ireland's hamburger stand (historical reference). Well recently I've started eating their again, now that I have children. Two days ago we went there for dinner. I ordered a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese extra value meal (1/2 pound of meat before cooking) with a lemonade. Immediately upon finishing the meal the back of my tongue and the roof of my mouth went numb. 3.5 minutes later I experienced explosive diarrhea the likes which have never before been seen in my lifetime. I staggered my way into the bathroom and held on for dear life. I managed to stay on the seat for 8 seconds so that should count for something, but by the end of it I was seriously considering installing grab handles on the side of the toilet bowl. After it was over I felt like I weighed 500 pounds and could only move in slow motion. I lost all feeling in my mouth and felt sharp stabbing pains in my stomach and digestive area. This lasted two days. Every time I see that clown I want to kill something.

Ronald McDonald, you're days are numbered.

I have finally determined that I can no longer eat at McDonald's and stay alive. I must therefore abstain from all of their products.

Goodbye McDonald's. It's been real and it's been fun, but it ain't been real fun.

No More Fence Sitting

After several months of pondering the question of which Democratic presidential candidate to back, anotherblogaboutme.blogspot.com has decided to officially endorse:

Barack Obama.

It was a hard choice. Every minute seemed to cause the staff here to teeter one way or another. Senator Clinton is still cherished in our hearts as a beloved leader and champion of stuff, but we just can't get that catchy slogan out of heads! Yes we can! Really we can't, that was just us telling you the slogan in case you hadn't heard it. It's still there. We here at the blog support Senator Obama's position and strategy to cut out of the middle east. We support this decision because of the war between Venezuela and Columbia. This conflict is going to spiral out of control leaving Venezuela's oil stores open for the seizing. Since Venezuela is the closest OPEC nation to us geographically, it's only logical that we stop fighting in the middle east and head south of the border to Venezuela. In one fell swoop we could finally absorb all of Venezuela's oil supplies and corner the South American cocaine market too!

Admittedly we endorse this candidate at the expense of our pro climate change agenda, but we don't really believe any politician can do too much to alter the course we're already on in that front.

So it is with pleasure that we endorse Senator Obama for president and say, "Barack the vote!"

Internship Available

www.anotherblogaboutme.blogspot.com is offering its first internship. Applicants must be current students, attending a 4 year college or University, and enrolled in a degree seeking program. Must have excellent time management skills, know basic computer applications, and be willing to tackle whatever life throws at them. This will be a challenging and rewarding program which will give the successful applicant an experience that he or she will never forget.

Applications for this position must be made in Haiku format.

Thank you,

The management

This Blog Is Content Rich!

Watch out world. This blog is content rich. It's so rich in content it buys other blogs, fires all the employees and then sells off pieces of those blogs to entities in Japan. My blog is so rich you have to drink a glass of milk after you read it. This blog flosses with platinum threads and rolls on solid gold spinners. This blog's portfolio is so diverse it looks like the cover of a "You Too Can Live Forever in Paradise" tract. This blog is so rich it blows up 56K connections. It's so rich you have to have an appointment just to see it. It's so rich it bought Texas and then sold it back to Mexico for twice what it paid for it. This blog is so rich that it hired Donald Trump just so it could fire him. It's so rich it has its own ice show. This blog is so rich it bought Jupiter. Jupiter baby! That's the biggest planet. Now you know people. Now you know.

The Terminator Says Hi

Hyrum received a love letter from some guy in his ward named the Terminator. I told him that I sympathize but I don't empathize.

Marriott Center To Be Demolished

The Marriott Center at BYU is going to be demolished in preparation for the construction of a larger venue. The new venue is rumored to house the basketball court as well as have the ability to accommodate a hockey rink. This is great news for BYU's newly incorporated Ice Cats. BYU expects larger attendance and increased revenue as a result of this important change. I think this is awesome news, especially for the future of hockey in the Utah valley.