Death Trap

What's wrong with this picture? I'll tell you what's wrong. The woman seated ever so comfortably in this chair of physical torture weighs much too little. In fact you may even notice how wide this piece of machinery is. I bet you could at least fit a 350 pound man on this thing. But will you ever see one? NO! Because even though, this wonderful invention is advertised to fat slobs who stay up until 3:00AM every night, watching TV; there is no way one would ever be able to conduct the very motion the ab lounger creators intended for them to do. These people can't even bend over and touch their toes let alone strap themselves into a raised lawn chair and do a series of rigorous crunches. I mean, honestly people. They couldn't even maneuver themselves into the thing without risking serious injury.

Now it is not my intention to make fun of fat people. On the contrary the people who made this thing are the ones making fun of fat people. They're the ones telling all of us that we too can have a perfectly sculpted body and amazing hand, eye, torso coordination. I have a hard enough time patting my head and rubbing my belly at the same time, let alone strapping into the beach chair and touching my toes while sideways. And I'm not fat! Can you imagine an obese person doing this? I can and that's the other thing that bothers me about this. The fact that I can imagine it and it never ends well. In my dreams the dude always ends up on the floor tangled in between the cnc aircraft grade aluminum poles and nylon cover. It's just inhumane. If you're going to build an exercise machine, don't tease us. Build one that's easy enough for all of us to do without risking serious injury or embarrassment.

I think that's why they make these things so portable too. So after you pull your groin for the seventh time, you can quietly admit defeat, pack it up and hide it under your bed never to be seen again. Who wants to be reminded of the hernia they got from trying to touch their toes while tied down to a lawn chair? Not I.