Night Shift

It's a party on graves people. A party. If only we hadn't run out of jars of communism. Then it would be a communist party. But hey, you can't have it all, "where would you put it?"

Perhaps a quick call over to Zakadia's Commie Emporium would help us out. I hear they deliver but the line is crazy long, like the two checkout lines at Albertsons, Macey's, and even Smith's at 11:55pm on Saturday night in Provo. You know what I'm talking about Utah. You get the urge to eat some nasty junk food that you would never buy during the day when you're in your right mind; and you decide to go out to your favorite grocer's to get that delectable bit O' transfat. When you arrive, you're greeted by young men and women who you can tell got all dolled up just so they could look "hot" standing in one of the two existing lines for an hour. It's like they knew that's what they would be doing with their evening.

"So like, what do you wanna do tonight?"

"I don't know, like, what do you wanta do tonight?"

"I don't know, let's just go to Macey's and hang out."

"Awesome, like what time is it?"

"It's like only 9:30."

"That's so perfect! We have just enough time to totally get ready!"

So 11:30 rolls around and two freshman girls step out into the great big world that is Provo ready for a night at the Macey's. Will they actually buy anything? Will they see that hot guy they both secretly are crushing on? Will they talk to anyone? Will their faces get tired making those ridiculous pouty model faces they've been practicing all night?

I hate those lines. Why do grocery stores do that to me? Why do they do it to us, Utah? Because they're lazy. Because that's the status quo people. And so when I want to get my trans fat on late at night right before church starts in Provo at midnight; I have to wait in line with these poor saps, only I don't look hot. Because how are you going to try to look hot when you want to get your trans fat on? Seriously. Look at me I'm so hot, pay no attention to the boxes of twinkies in my arms. I say if you're going out to get your trans fat on, you should look and dress the part. I want to see more people with baggy sweats and over sized T shirts. You know what I'm talking about Utah. The kind that cover up the rolls. That's right. You need freedom of movement when getting your trans fat on. You've got to be able to bend over to pick up that dropped hoho crumb and you don't want no low rise butt booty tight jeans pinching you leg veins shut while you're getting your reach on do you? I say go all the way. I prefer big baggy basketball shorts. They're thin enough that if I do get pinched I won't feel it much and they're baggy enough that I have total freedom of movement for when my thighs start to inflate and rub all up against each other. See you have to plan for this kind of food. I'm not saying one should always do this, but just when it's time for a little trans fatty action, should you follow my guide lines here. That being said, I want to add that flip flops are definitely the way to go when riding the trans fat train. I say this because my feet tend to swell when eating ding dongs. So it's nice to be able to just flip off your flop when the time is right.

So in closing, yeah graveyards are great. What did the following have to do with working the night shift here? If you don't understand the science of random thought in the middle of the night, then I guess you'll have to work the graveyard to understand.