Where Is Cobra When you Need Them?

Do you remember the mini series that G.I. Joe did a while back? You know, the one where Cobra had stolen a device that could change the weather whenever and where ever they wanted?

I want that device.

It's freaking cold up in here.

I'm starting to think that maybe Cobra wasn't all that bad. Perhaps it was G.I. Joe's revisionist propoganda that convinced all of us when we were ten years old that Cobra was this evil enemy. I don't think it was like that at all. In fact I think Cobra was originally a good organization with a totally sweet name that was just lead in the wrong direction by a couple of neo conservatives who were so conservative they rounded the hump and became liberal. Crazy liberal. I mean changing the weather just because you want to? Who in the world would think of such a proposterous idea?

You have Cobra Commander the "ruthless" leader of Cobra whom we later learn was merely a puppet put in place by the supreme leader of Cobrala.

Then you have Destro, the only sane one of the bunch. I mean sure he had a metal head. Completely metal head. But he was always the voice of reason up to the last second, warning Cobra Commander not to do whatever it was he was about to do.

Next up is Baroness. Yeah wierd, I know. Destro's lady.

Later on we get introduced to "Dr." Mindbender. This dude is must have destroyed life for the Cobra purchasing clerks and accountants. He was always needing new and exotic materials for his rediculous research and development scams. Can you imagine the crap these guys had to put up with?

"Would you take a look at this!"

"Dude what is it?"

"It's that freaking Mindbender again. He wants us to authorize the purchase of body parts from ancient tombs."

"Like we're going to authorize that."

"For reals yo."

"It won't matter though."

"Why's that?"

"He's just going to take some Vipers and dig up the stuff himself."

"He's so flamboyantly stupid."

"I mean we could just have one of our archaelogical subsidiaries just buy the stuff!"

"What does he want this stuff for anyway?"

"Pfffssh, who knows."

"I hate this job."

I feel for you Cobra pencil pushers. I really do. Because little did they know that Dr. Mindbender's actions would result in the creation of the stupidest character yet: Serpentor.

I still think the weather manipulation device, which looked like a giant cannon, was a better creation than Serpentor. Although, Serpentor could throw stiff snakes at people. That was pretty cool.

I think that had Cobra Commander lived today in a post "Inconvenient Truth" World, he would have been given the Nobel Peace Prize for his ground breaking work in climate change. I mean the guy had a gun that could change the weather whenever he wanted. What's not to admire about that?

So I nominate that we finally acknowledge where all this climate change hoopla got its start: Cobra. Who would have thought that the world's most devastatingly evil fictional terrorist organization would have motivated the world to fight climate change. Think about it, this I command!